What defines a "Best Friend"?

Personally, I think the term is overrated but that's my opinion… and I digress. Trying to answer the question in the subject line of this blog, Is it how close you live? Is it how often you talk (or meet or chat or mail)? Is it how long you talk (or meet or chat or mail)? Is it how much you keep them appraised of your daily life? Is it how much you party/hang out together? Is it how much info they know about u? NO!! I don’t think its any of the above.

Meeting Vivek in San Diego this past weekend got me thinking about this. Me and him didn't go "a long way back", didn't go to school or college together, weren’t neighbors and didn't even know each other existed until about 8 years ago. But we have had a lot of history nevertheless. I have known a few longer than I have known him, I have hung out with a few more than I have hung out with him, I have spent more time with a few than with him - but there is a difference. I hadn’t talked to Vivek in 9 months, ever since I moved back to US nor did I spend a lot of time with him when I was in India. Yet when we met this past weekend, nothing had changed. Nothing felt different. It felt as if we had never been out of touch.

We have disagreed on many things, we have fought numerous times. But we have never let things brood. We have understood and accommodated each other, we have altered our priorities and schedules based on each other’s, we have given things up for each other. And yet we have never labeled ourselves as “Best Friends”. Why?! Because, we never felt the need to and neither of us had any expectations for the other person to do so either. Between us, we know we would be there if we needed each other and to proclaim it just doesn’t seem to serve any purpose except propaganda.

I feel that people use the term “Best Friend” too liberally one too many times and just base it on their current affiliations and affinities. I do not understand how someone who has hated you before or shared judgments on you without knowing you or talked “sour” nothings about you to others can be called your best friend. I agree that people can change but I should be able to trust my best friend unconditionally and wouldn’t the knowledge of their prior behavior negate the notion of total trust?

Some might already have these answers figured out but my definition of a “best friend” will differ from theirs. In fact, as I said earlier, I think that term is overrated. So let me put it this way. To me, an “ideal” friend
- will not judge you, except to your face
- will tell you if you are wrong without worrying about the consequence
- will not give you up to anyone on anything, even if you are wrong (read in conjunction with previous point)
- will not give up on you
- will be there for you, in person or in spirit, when you need them
- in short, will be genuine to you and around you

And, although, I mentioned only Vivek in this blog, there are a few more that I consider close to me – my ideal friends, if I may. They know who they are; though it doesn’t change anything, if they don’t. I will always cherish them and their memories, whether or not we are in touch. I will always hold them in the same place where I have always held them in my heart.

To you, my “ideal” friend, I dedicate this blog.